I think I’ve avoided posting this because I’m just not wanting to deal with it. I’m angry and adrift and yes, a bit depressed but mostly I’m deeply and profoundly sad. Fuck cancer. Big B has been my best friend since the day he entered our lives. He’s been my protector, my doughnut and coffee buddy, my dress up model and napping compatriot.
Big B had a stumbling episode and was non weight bearing on his front right leg two weeks ago so I brought him in to work and we took x rays and did labs and a thorough exam. We knew he had some arthritis in his shoulder and neck and found some more in his elbows. He had a really infected anal gland so we emptied and infused them. While Dr. Evergreen was expressing his anal gland he found a small lump either inside the gland or duct. He was able to express it a little bit and it seemed quite a bit smaller.
A week later Big B still seemed a little bit sore but we upped his Tramadol to keep him comfortable and checked his anal gland again. At that time the lump was the size of a pea and had doubled in size from the last time we checked it. Dr. Evergreen recommended a visit to the surgeon that we love (Dr. Fry) to see what he thought about removing it. I couldn’t really put my finger on it but Big B had just seemed ‘off’ to me. Dr. Fry got us in right away and he recommended aspirating the lump before surgery. This could tell us if it’s cancer or not and determine how aggressive he would need to be with the excision of the entire anal gland.
Unfortunately the lump came back as adenocarcinoma which is nasty. Both Dr’s recommended chest films and an ultrasound before we do surgery to make sure it hadn’t spread to Buford’s organs before we put him through a really nasty surgical procdure. We got the worst possible news that we could get, the chest films showed changes in his lungs and the ultrasound showed nodules in his liver and kidneys. Dr. Evergreen thinks we have maybe four weeks but possibly closer to two weeks for Big B.
There is a great holistic vet in NY who has compounded some Chinese herbs to help support his system and keep him feeling good for as long as possible. He started those last night and they seem to be helping. Monday was a rough day and he felt like crap but I heard Big B get up this morning and head down the hallway to check on me about 5am. That’s something he’s always done….check on mom before she gets up and make sure everything is as it should be before the start of the day.
In the mean time Big B and I will be spending lots of time together and getting a ton of donuts.