The Sexist Asshat Was Wrong

Hello Hotties!   I’m so sorry that I’ve been lax in updates lately.  Sadly my camera battery and charger went missing so I haven’t been able to do swatch posts, but the new replacements should be delivered today.  Yay!  Instead I’m going to post about something that happened on Halloween.   A couple of months ago, a woman made a blog post about repeated harassment on public transit.  This one single post blew up and everyone was talking about it.  I was involved in a conversation with a clueless gentleman on FB and posted about it.  If you missed it or would like to refresh your memory, it can be found here:

https://hottiemcnaughty.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/the-day-fb-blew-up-the-sexist-asshat/
It’s long, but worth the read and also links back to the original post that sparked the whole debate.  The gist of the asshats argument was that if women were just more nice and polite whilst we turned men down, then we wouldn’t get such bad reactions from men.   I know, I know….just take a deep breath.   It’s funny how the men that got the most worked up about her blog post were most likely the ones that should have taken it most to heart.  This previous post is important, I promise you.

Ok, fast forward to Halloween night.  My friend and I decided to head out to a costume contest with another large group of friends, so there were about eight people total in our group.   I was dressed as Wonder Woman and my friend was Frost and we were with all of the Avengers (really!).  I headed up to the bar with a friend to order drinks and while there got into a discussion about Wonder Woman’s armor.   One of the people that I was speaking with mentioned Wonder Woman’s origins and I explained that they had changed her origins recently in the comics.   His eyes got all wide and he said something to the effect, “OMG you’re dressed and Wonder Woman AND you’re a comic geek?”  I replied yes, politely excused myself and then gathered our drinks and headed back to our groups table.  That was the extent of my conversation with this person.  I know he was interested but I wasn’t, I’m married and was wearing my wedding rings….so I excused myself and pointedly made sure not to make contact with him the rest of the night.

We all had a great time and the night came to an end.   Frost and I said good-bye to our group and left.  About one mile down the road I realized that I’d left my credit card at the bar so I turned around and went back to grab it.  I head in, close out my tab and start heading towards the door.  I run into the man who had been so impressed with my Wonder Woman knowledge and he asks me if I’m leaving.  I reply that yes I was, I tell him to have a good night and turn to leave.    This is where it gets creepy.  As I turn, he grabs my arm, pulls me into a full embrace and plants an open mouthed kiss (with tongue) on me.  I’m shocked.  I’m stunned and I’ll admit that I’m a little afraid because none of my group of friends are anywhere to be seen.  I felt isolated and vulnerable.   As soon as he lets go I bolt for the door and I hear him say behind me, “What you’re just going to leave after that?”   Um, yes.

So.

I’d be interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.   I’m terribly mad at myself for not just punching him in the dick but I was shocked and scared and just wanted to get the hell out of there.   I’m creeped out by the fact that he seemed to wait until he knew I was alone to prey upon me and I can’t help but doubt myself and my behavior.   It’s funny that I did exactly what the sexist asshat said women should do to avoid bad confrontation and it got me assaulted.

I’m very, VERY interested in hearing what you all have to say on the subject.   Thoughts?  Advice?  Personal experiences?  Dirty limericks?

6 thoughts on “The Sexist Asshat Was Wrong

  1. It’s hard to have a response to that kind of thing, though it might have helped ward him off if you had blatantly said, “Sorry, not interested, I’m married” etc, because subtlety is often lost on men (or people in general really), ESPECIALLY if they’re drunk. Unfortunately, drunk/tipsy often equals stupid/dense. Not that you did anything wrong, it’s just a firm “not interested” will deter most people, but you have to say it in very basic (and very firm) English. Anything else will go in one ear and out the other. If they grab you AFTER that, then it’s time for the ol’ sluggo to the face/groin/other sensitive area.

    Long story short though, don’t be upset at yourself, you did nothing wrong. People shouldn’t go grabbing people out of the blue.

  2. That’s shocking. He was awful, and frankly, and it sounds like whoever was around you at the time…the bartender, the bouncer, whoever, didn’t step in to help.
    You weren’t in much of a position to do anything, given the shock of what happened, but the people working there should have seen it as sexual assault given your reaction, and should have minimally 86ed him from the club permanently (although they should have called the police).

    1. Thank you. It wasn’t the end of the night or anything and the place was still really busy and crowded. I wouldn’t have been surprised if no one really noticed. Which is really scary. Super duper scary that something like that can happen right in public.

  3. I am SO sorry this happened to you. But really, and I know you probably already know this, don’t be angry with yourself. You did nothing wrong. It was all on him.

    And re politeness with strange men (sigh), I guess we’re just damned if we do and damned if we don’t, hmm? I hadn’t heard of the original blog post. Thanks for sharing. I just wish people (read: MEN) would mind their own business on public transit and otherwise, and we would be able to read our books in peace.

    1. I think interrupting someone while they are reading is about one of the worst things you can do. Unless there’s a fire or aliens or something.

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